Flowering Forward

At the Williamsburg, VA Unitarian Universalist Congregation.

The Price of Admission

...He saw the golden slipper filled with blood.

 "Was it for me you suffered this abuse?"

"It is the price a woman has to pay, 

If ever she should hope to wed a Prince."

––  Cinder Girl, Novak

So I'm 14 and and I decide to join the high school Key Club - a youth service club affiliated with the local Kiwanis Club. My older brother had been in the Key Club for years, our father was president of the Kiwanis Club, so I felt I should join. I did not realize that I would be required to submit to a week of humiliating initiation at the hands of the senior club members, culminating in a brutal late-night hazing on the beach. Even so, I wanted in. So I spent the week ducking and dodging as best I could, but when it came to the final night, I skipped out altogether. I had a get-out-of-torture-free card: I had rehearsal. (Most of my high school years were spent in rehearsal for some play or another.) I dodged the big ordeal and became a probationary member of the Key Club. Probationary because it was not to be official until I submitted to the hazing. That threat hung over me for weeks until I finally had the nerve to resign. It wasn't that important to me. Sour grapes, perhaps, but in truth I had a passion for another, greater, membership. I was a Thespian, and I wanted to be in the theatre.

I had been on stage since age 7, working backstage, acting, writing and directing as a student in our local children's theatre school. The theatre school regarded everyone as essential. There were no small parts, only small actors. Ego was not allowed. Lead players worked their way up the ranks, taking on more and more responsibility. We were expected to be true leaders supporting every member of the cast and crew. There, I learned how to walk and talk and live in community. There, I found my heart's desire: to be a real player in the theatre world.

At high school our drama club produced straight plays. But there was also a choral group, Contemporary Music, which produced musicals. After running spot for their production of "The Fantastiks," I knew I had to get out there and sing. But, after all my years on stage, I had never really learned to sing or dance. But I auditioned anyway and hoped for my chance. I got it. Sort of. Our choral director, Mr. Hill, was very enthusiastic about my joining the program. But, he said, I needed to improve my singing. He suggested I take private voice lessons and recommended a friend of his, Robert. Robert was a professional pianist; a short man with muscular technique that made Chopin sound like Rachmaninoff.

Mom set up a series of lessons and we began. Robert taught me to read music, to sing arias and to appreciate opera. He was also a fan of Johnny Mathis and soon had me crooning pop ballads as well. I learned the "y buzz," mask resonance and deep breathing techniques. Eventually I could belt out show tunes.  He treated me like an adult and I liked that. Soon he was picking me up after school for my lessons and driving me home afterwards. He started teaching me to drive, allowing me behind the wheel of his Cadillac. We'd stop for coffee and he'd lecture me on Romantic Idealism. He brought me to openings at the local playhouse to see Broadway shows and symphonies.

And he propositioned me. Repeatedly. He was gay and believed that I was too, but that I didn't know it yet. He'd say "don't knock it until you've tried it." When I declined, he withdrew. The friendship cooled and he became the dispassionate teacher, talking down to me. Back at school, I still waited to join the inner circle of our chorus group, to be given a shot. I learned that my choral teacher and my voice teacher were members of a larger community of friends in the arts. Robert took me to a party and there they were, along with some other students in the program, the leading players, acting outrageous and flirtatious. This, I thought, was the real, grown-up, theatre scene. These were the people that held the opportunities I sought.

So Robert seduced me. I lost my virginity to him. I rationalized that maybe he was right about me, maybe this was who I really am. Maybe it was okay. Maybe now I would open up and realize my full potential. I flattered myself that I was an adult and a member of a very special club. After all, I was now 15.

It was clear that if I wanted to be considered for roles, I needed be a player in this game of men and boys. So I tried. But I was ashamed and conflicted. I knew in my heart, this was not me. But I also knew that this was the way to work in the local and regional theatres. I did learn to sing. But the cost was high. Robert owned me.

This is not about homosexuality. (Although the experience helped affirm my heterosexual identity.) This is about a toxic mixture of power, vulnerability, and desire. It is about an economy run on weak self-esteem and strong ambition.

Eventually, at age 16, I mustered the courage to break it off. I focused on creating my own work. I figured that if I could learn to make my own theatre, I would be in control. I continued to study theatre in college, where the game was also in play. I went on the road after that and never went back to my home town. Once or twice I found a theatre group that had the same ethic I valued: an egalitarian work ethic where we practiced and produced and co-created quality stage plays from our passion for the art. But I kept coming across the game. In graduate school as intern at a prominent regional theatre company, I played alongside a Hollywood star brought in for the lead. He gave me useful tips on playing Shakespeare...and he propositioned me. (Nevermind that I was married.) He offered me entry into the business, the chance to travel, to make movies, if only I would be his consort, his boy toy. I declined.

I saw no way to dodge the game. To continue in this career, I realized, I could not advance on merit alone. I sank into despair and depression. I fell back on my solo practice and returned to my childhood passion: children's theatre. I began to interpret and tell stories for school children. I was good at it. I started creating like crazy, developed a varied repertory with something for every age. I embarked on a new, ex-theatre, career: storytelling. I gained a new voice, a fresh imagination, and a liberated sense of play. I entered a new community of musicians, writers, librarians, teachers, and folkies, all of whom had been lured into the telling of stories. They welcomed and encouraged me and valued the merit of my work. I began to heal. I began to recover confidence, dignity, hope and renewed enthusiasm for my art.

The rest is history. But there is a crippling legacy. Self-promotion nauseates me. False promises haunt me. And, for the most part, I continue to work alone. 

Often I am asked why I left acting to become a storyteller. My standard reply is that I found the business of theatre had less and less to do with the life of an artist. That was true. But in addition, I was not willing to pay the price of admission.

The Earth v Jobs

Recently the president celebrated the opening of the pipeline from Mandan, North Dakota, while blaming the Paris Accords for job-losses in the U.S. This prompted me to re-post an Earth Day blog from many years ago, feeling it remains relevant:
 http://atellingexperience.blogspot.com/2011/04/earth-day-2011.html

Earth Day 2011

This is an exciting time to be involved in Storytelling and Education. As I see it, our Cultural Mythology and Personal Narratives are in a state of rapid transformation. In a way, we are moving from a sky-centered story to an earth-centered story. We are truly "coming down to earth." Still, we are moving against some strong anti-earth stories rooted in our American Dream (aka Myth). For example, here is a cover story from USA Today on December 10, 1997:
We are presented with a choice: adopt the Kyoto Accords and save the Earth or reject them and save American jobs. This is a classically self-involved American Story. Unhappily, at that time, we chose door number 2: jobs. Today, I think that has begun to change. Paradoxically, the motion back to earth from sky may have been sparked by our first effort to leave the planet entirely: the moon landing. For when our astronauts reached the moon, they sent us our first look at the earth (and ourselves) from space. That image still ripples through our consciousness and seeds the rewriting of our stories.

The Bullies Are Coming!

I published this story a few years ago when Sarah Palin was performing her theatre of the absurd. This was originally written as part of a program I created called "American Parables" and continues to be relevant.

July 4,2011:

Whatever Sarah Palin may think, there is a big difference between the legend of Paul Revere and the history. But we create legends out of our need for myth, and the myth of Paul Revere is important to who we are. It is not about our right to own guns, it is about e pluribus unum, "out of many, one." It is about the interdependence that forms the vast community we call the United States of America. When the U.S.A. became independent from England, we did not become a nation of rugged individuals. We became, instead, a national community.

Here is my take on the myth of Paul Revere. With a nod to American mythmaker, Henry W. Longfellow.

The Midday Ride of Jimmy Greer, an American Parable
by David Novak

Listen my children and you will hear

Of the midday ride of Jimmy Greer.

Jimmy was perched in the Sycamore tree

He used for a lookout waiting to see

What Benny the scout was going to do

To play with a ball that was red or was blue.

If red then it said that the forthcoming dread

Would appear from around old Ferguson’s shed.

If blue then he knew that the danger at hand

Was coming from over the park playground sand.

Below him at ready at the Sycamore’s side

Was the red painted roadster Jimmy would ride

As soon as he got Ben’s secret report.

He would jump down and ride with his news to the fort.

He would speed on his steed and spread the alarms,

Warning the neighborhood kids to take arms,

To rise and resist the tyrannical rule 

Of the neighborhood bullies so tough and so cruel.

To take arms against their troubles and then

By opposing assure that never again

Would they suffer in silence or cower in fright

Never daring to go out by day or by night.

For the bullies had bullied too hard and too long

And though they were big and though they were strong,

Jimmy and Ben and Libby and Kate

Latisha and Alex, Shariah and Nate

Decided united they’d stand or they’d fall

That all were for one and each one was for all.

The bullies were Andrew and his buddy Matt

And Cassie the warrior and Paula the rat.

They’d gang up on the kids and force ‘em to pay

A tax if ever they wanted to play

On the swings or the slide or the sand or the grass.

They made ‘em pay tolls in order to pass.

And that wasn’t all if kids went to the store

They’d stop ‘em again and make ‘em pay more.

If you played with a kite or a jump rope or jax

They’d gather around you and make you pay tax.

And what did they take from those kids all those times?

Pennies and quarters and nickels and dimes

Candy and bubblegum, soda pop too

For if you refused you know what they’d do?

They’d tie you to trees all covered with ants 

Or put gum in your hair or pull down your pants.

Now some kids tried saying ‘this isn’t fair!

There’s room here for everyone why can’t we share?’

But Andrew just laughed and Cassie threw rocks

And Paula and Matt kicked dirt on their socks.

So Shariah and Alex and Libby and Kate

And Jimmy and Ben, Latisha and Nate

With paper and pens acting very professional

Met in the fort in a manner congressional.

They wrote up a letter outlining their views

Then went down the streets delivering the news.

Now Libby was clever and Shariah was bright

Nate was inventive and Kate sure could fight

And Benny lived near where the bullies would be

And outside his windows Benny could see

If they would be coming by park or by shack

So Ben was sent out to scout the attack.

But Jimmy alone of the whole rebel band

Was the speediest biker in all of the land.

So Jimmy was sent to the Sycamore tree

As part of the neighborhood plan to be free.

It was twelve of the clock with the sun bearing down.

An ominous calm hung over the town.

No breeze was astir no pet was let out,

No bird was heard singing no bug buzzed about.

Bang! The door slammed opening wide

As Benny the scout came running outside.

High in the air Ben tossed a red ball.

Jimmy was startled but he didn’t fall.

He leapt on his bike and sped through the wood

Pushing the pedals as fast as he could.

Right down the drive as his tires were humming

Calling out loud ‘the bullies are coming!

‘The bullies are coming!’ his voice rang out clear

‘The bullies are coming!  And soon will be here

‘The bullies are coming !  Rise up one and all!

‘The bullies are coming!’ Jim sounded the call.

Down Jefferson Street along Franklin Drive

‘The bullies are coming! And soon will arrive!’

He cut down an alley to Washington Way

‘The bullies are coming!  Today is the day!’

He turned at the corner of Lexington Court

Then climbed up the oak tree they used for a fort.

‘Good work,’ said Libby ‘now you draw them near

We will get everyone ready out here.’

Then out of the tree and into the heat

Jimmy went speeding down Longfellow Street.

He rounded the corner of Ferguson’s place

And slid to stop right before Cassie’s face.

‘Who said that you could go riding today?’

Cassie asked Jimmy ‘what did you pay?’

‘I didn’t pay nothing,’ Jimmy replied

‘It shouldn’t cost money to go for a ride.’

‘It does if you want to ride safe,’ Paula said

As she and the gang came around Fergie’s shed.

‘Yeah,’ Matt chimed in ‘you could fall and get hurt.

‘You could land on your face and have to eat dirt.’

‘Of course, if you pay,’ Andrew stepped in

‘You won’t lose your bike or get kicked in the shin.’

Paula ran up as Jimmy wheeled round

Cassie leapt forward but fell to the ground.

Jimmy had sped between Andrew and Matt

Matt swung as he dodged and knocked Andy flat.

Then around the next corner but not very far

Jim hid behind Mr. Hamilton’s car.

Andy and Matt and Paula and Cass

Ran round the corner and started to pass

When Jimmy called out “who made you king?

I don’t think it’s fair and I won’t pay a thing!”

He zipped out behind them and led them away

“I won’t just serve you and let you have your way!”

They ran after Jim and he stayed in sight

“Just because you are strong doesn’t mean you are right!”

Jim put on the speed as they started to rally

And led them across Washington alley.

“You say that our freedom requires taxation

But I won’t pay tax without representation!”

Paula and Andrew cut off Jimmy’s route

Jim hit the brakes while spinning about

But Cassie and Matt had him surrounded.

“You’re saying,” sneered Matt “that our taxes aren’t founded

On sound moral ground?  Don’t be idiotic!

Everyone knows that its plain patriotic

To let those in power make all the rules.”

“Yeah,” Paula said “you babies are fools.

We big kids know best and we work hard to see

That the neighborhood’s safe enough to be free.”

“And who knows” Andrew closed “you might be infected

“With germs and disease, we should be protected

From people who threaten and put us in danger

You might be a spy or a crook or a stranger

Trying to wreck our great institutions

That’s why we work hard to come up with solutions

That serve to protect all the folks who obey

And silence the ones who want their own say.”

Paula stooped down and picked up a stone

The others did likewise as Jim stood alone.

Cassie lifted her stone “its like this Jimmy dear,

To keep people in line you must keep them in fear.”

“There was no fair vote!” Jim started to cower.

“The day you did nothing is the day we took power.”

They lifted their hands just about to attack

When a sound from the ground made them jump back.

Jimmy blew on his whistle and jumped to his feet

As the sound of his whistle awoke the whole street.

Then bells started ringing from Benny’s front lawn  

And drums from the playground as others came on.

The sounds were now growing louder and strong

The bullies looked round and saw a great throng

Of kids, any one of whom the bullies could beat

But not when they all stood up in the street.

Then, out of the doors, to the bullies’ great shock

Came grown-ups with bells up and down the whole block.

They rang with the kids in one glorious chorus

“No party of bullies will make the rules for us!

We choose to be free and to stand for the good

And so we’ve united the whole neighborhood.

The U.N. we’ll call it and it will prevail

To see that no bully will ever assail

The rights of each child, each woman and man

To liberty, justice and the power to plan

Their own way of living and worship as well,

To speak and assemble and peacefully dwell.

The right to enjoy self determination

So long as their actions cause no limitation

On anyone’s rights to these freedoms too

To do unto others as we’d have them do.”

Cassie and Andrew and Paula and Matt

Let Jimmy go and helplessly sat

While a jury of peers decided their fate.

A sentence was given, delivered by Nate,

That they would repair any damage they’d done

And also repay all the money they’d won.

And further provide service to all,

Such as tying a shoe or pumping a ball,

Or stopping the traffic when folks cross the street.

And promise to never attempt to repeat

The tyranny with which they once tried to rule.

Instead they should start to study in school

Not how to make war or how to be strong,

But how to make peace and how to right wrong.

And since that great day of Jimmy’s alarm

Our United Neighbors have kept us from harm.

But if from without or within should appear

A threat to those freedoms we all hold so dear,

We know what to do for united we stand.

We all raise our voices and join freedom’s band.